What's the message?

I'm at it again. I have finally gotten back on a healthy eating routine. No more junk. No extra sugar. No bread. Very little alcohol. A diet of lean meat, vegetables, fruits and whole grains. And lots of water. And so far, a little bit of exercise. Things have been going great so far. I love my new way of eating. I am not missing the junk at all. I have been cooking new recipes and have actually been enjoying them. In 4 weeks, I have lost 10lbs. Hopefully 10lbs. I will never see again. I was feeling good about what I was doing...but something has changed. According to my boyfriend, what I am doing is not good enough. It's okay...but it could be better. Slam! That's like a kick in the gut for me. The perfect way to sabotage my efforts. It's almost like an oxymoron. All I want is to be good enough...and it turns out...I'm never going to be. Nothing I do,is ever going to be good enough. For someone. So how do I accept that it's good enough for me? How do I get myself to believe and feel that I am not doing this for anyone else? I am doing it for me. I have had success with weight loss before. I went from 200lbs. to 150lbs within a year. I remember that my boyfriend at the time never said a word. Didn't say " good for you, or your looking great, or I'm proud of you". You could say, it's because he loved me no matter how I looked, but I know that's not the case. When we split up, he blamed my 'being too fat' as one of the reasons we never had sex. So, I was unappealing to him, yet he had nothing to say to me when I made an effort to change. It didn't take me long to start eating again and gain it all back. I know I am relying on other people's reassurance way too much. It shouldn't matter what anybody else thinks, but apparantly it does. Because it hurts me when I don't hear what I want to hear. I am starting to realize that I am not doing this for myself. I am doing this to make someone like me better. I feel like an 8 year old, trapped in a saggy 35 year old body. I don't want to eat an apple in front of my boyfriend. An apple has too many carbs. I should be eating more protein. Since when has an apple for a snack become a bad choice? I have always had this fear in the back of my mind, that when I finally lose all the extra weight that I have carried around my whole life, that nothing will change. I am not actually going to feel any better, because it's really not about what's on the outside. I don't think I have to lose another lb. to figure that out. I think I just got it. It is true. In my mind, I am never going to get it right...and I will never be good enough.