Supersize Me!

Wow! It has been more than a year since I have updated this blog. But here I am again. You know that 10lbs that I hoped to never see again? Ya. It's back! It seems as though I have not a clue how to maintain a weight. If I am not seriously trying to lose weight...I will gain it. In February of 2009 I had made it into the 140's. A weight I had not seen since I was about 8. And, less than a year later, here I am again in the 160's. Look at me. I found something I lost. Fuck. I am completely broke and can barely pay my bills or buy groceries but I managed to find money somewhere to buy 'bigger' pants. So not only do my eating habits suck, but that's some pretty poor financial planning as well. I felt so good about being in a size 10. I was getting compliments from every direction and I walked around with more confidence than I had ever had in my life. So, I must be a gluten (no pun intended) for punishment. I am obviously choosing to be fat and uncomfortable and unhealthy. But why? The only rational explanation I have of this, is complete and utter laziness. It is not hard to lose weight and be healthy. It is not hard to keep my mouth closed or say no or to get out for a walk. It is really easy to feel sorry for myself and make excuses. I do that with no problem at all.
This morning, I reached a new level of disgust with myself. The point where I will finally make a better food choice at my next meal. I am very happy that the standard has changed. I used to wait until I was 200lbs.
Some of my current awareness came from watching the documentary Supersize Me. It is unbelievable how many people in North America are overweight and obese. It's actually disgusting. It is completely unacceptable to me that I fall into that category.
I visited my daughter's sick father in the hospital yesterday. He has palliative colon cancer. He is so sick that he couldn't even have a teeny tiny hospital made pumpkin tart on Thanksgiving. His body cannot handle any solid food. He is 6' tall and weighs a whopping 145lbs. He is completely helpless to this debilitating disease and has no control over his health.
I on the other hand, am completely capable of being in control of my own health. It is a privilege that I can not afford to ignore. I will take advantage of this feeling today and be thankful for every day that I continue to do so.